Lucky by chance or by choice?!!

I have always wondered what is luck. is it something something that happens by chance or by choice? I see luck as the meeting point of your desire and destiny. when you desire something and the same thing happens in life , you call it luck. Right? can you choose to be lucky or not? if you accept life as it is and attain the maturity to be non judgemental and see things and events as they are, then you are okay with whatever is! whatever that is happening is neither good nor bad. it is as it is! In this state of mind, your desire and the destiny are not different from each other. Either everything appears special or everything appears the same. You are neither depressed with failure nor overly elated with success. When you fail you become more focused, when you succeed you are filled with gratitude. When something is achieved and everyone feels you did really well, your hard work really paid off, you will look back and say - Well that wasn't too difficult, I did not put too much effort in it either. But still it happened so smoothly. How come? when this wonder dawns, there is immense gratitude, because until someone points it out to you, your achievement is just another event in life. For some one who is looking at your life from outside, you are a very lucky person or a very dedicated person or an utterly inspiring personality. But for the so called achiever, it is just normal. When I look at the achievements of Guruji or some of the ART OF LIVING teachers, i am amazed at their creativity and productivity. but speak to them, its normal for them. When i spoke to one of them a few years ago and said - in just five years we have reached nearly a million people, wow!! He looked at me and said in the next five years, we have to reach at least a billion!!! He was in a totally different plane. People speak about achievement beyond capacity, but Guruji says there is no achievement beyond capacity, because if it was beyond capacity, how did you achieve it in the first place?! Valid point. It is only that people's comprehension of capacity or capability is limited or relative. For someone what I have achieved is great. For me it is nothing or it is something but not something magnanimous. But I look at someone else's achievement and say great!

But sometimes the immensity of your achievement dawns on you especially when you become aware of other people with similar or even better capacity and talent struggling to make it happen. This can either end up in a sense of ego or in a sense of utter humility. You feel humble because you realise you have achieved something easily in spite og being deficient in talent as compared to your fellows. You also realise that it did not happen because of your so called focus, hard work or any such character, but because it was bestowed upon you as a gift. This realisation fills you with such an enormous gratitude, that you feel thankful for all those who supported you in your path. you are filled with so much love that you make heartfelt wishes for one and all. I feel that this is what Grace is. Grace is probably a combination of gratitude and blessing. Guruji says if you shed one tear or gratitude, all the angels assemble in that place and rejoice. That is why if you wish for something to happen in gratitude, it turns out as a blessing. And probably this is how Grace flows in life!!

So how rich you are depends on how many tears of gratitude you have shed in life! Because it is only in that state that demands drop and fulfilment arises. So Lucky by chance or choice?

Personal space

Love grows when there is a space or a gap
When I sit back and look at my own life, it appears like a dream. I am probably slightly above average as a student, i have no class when it comes to speech or appearance. But still i have excelled in the outer world in an alien country beyond any one's expectations (including my own!). How did this happen? It is amazing and goes to show that to succeed you don't always need talent. Having a vision and moving towards it with focus, commitment, and faith in the unknown that the best will happen to me may be contributory. Every time i achieve something which i was told was difficult and especially when I achieve it with relative ease, i feel so grateful for the blessings and Grace. I have been not only blessed with a wonderful family, but also great friends, not to mention the Master.

Coming back to the topic of personal space, these people who have contributed to my growth in life can sometimes be suffocating as well (This does not apply to the Master of course!!). As the term goes Familiarly breeds contempt. this is very true with regards to the outer world. The more time I spend with family and friends, the more i take them for granted and tend to slowly lose respect for them. This is especially true with family. Vidya has been wonderful. I probably could not have gotten a better wife or companion. She is all that i am not - extremely talented , skillful and loving. Yet, when we are together very soon, there is discontentment, disagreement and arguments. even though this might happen once a week or less frequently, it leaves a sore note. but after a few months, these disagreements happen more frequently and i start longing for a personal space without her. The need to fulfil demands and expectations and follow a mundane routine is so stifling. A few years ago, by accident she had to stay for a few weeks away in India and i was in the UK all by myself. There was this intense feeling of complete emptiness in the first week from which gradually disappeared as i indulged myself in work. But i also noticed a new sense of freedom and peace. I did not have to come home at the same time, i did not have to sleep at the same time, could spend as much time in front of the computer and did not have to follow a set routine. There was probably less happiness but there was more peace. less frustration, less feverishness but more peace, more relaxation. I also noticed that I had lot more time. I was not running around like a headless chicken. i had a bit more perspective in life. My Sadhana became more regular, my eating habits more refined and i finally had time to read novels, listen to Guruji's tapes and eat only twice a day. That's when I decided this is such a precious time for me!! this is the time for introspection, and feeling the magnitude of the contribution of these loved ones whom I have been sorely missing in their absence. Ever since I have made this commitment to myself, no matter what, I shall have at least 4 weeks of time for myself each year. I have slowly increased this duration and this year i am having a break for nearly 3 months ( which i think is a bit too much).

Apart from an opportunity for introspection, reflection and personal growth, i feel that this period also prepares me for the absence of the loved ones. Life is unpredictable and there is always a possibility in the future that these loved ones may be no more with me to serve me. How would I manage such a life without them? Also how would they manage without me? So I believe that this separateness makes us independent of each other as well. Life moves from dependence to independence to interdependence. this interdependence should be to help each other grow rather than to cling on to each other. Also i believe real inter-dependence is only possible when there is independence. I have seen Vidya become enormously independent and confident in the last few years. I think that this period of separateness which has forced her to take independent decisions is one of the main reasons for her growth.

Another thing which i have noticed that most of my friends when they are away from their family, they tend to spend all their free time visiting people. This may be one way how the world tries to get rid of the feeling of emptiness or loneliness. I on the contrary choose to shun the outer world except for the bare necessities. I tend not to visit people or restaurants , tend to use my phone less, watch less TV and spend more time with myself! Many think I am crazy.
May be I am!!!